2+ hour, 2+ min ago  (181+ words) More than two dozen states are experiencing extreme heat. The Onion shares tips for keeping your home cool and comfortable amid record-breaking temperatures. Press a cold, damp towel against your home's pulse points. Take contortionist classes until you can fit…...

3+ week, 2+ day ago  (336+ words) BALTIMORE'Responding to widespread proliferation of the technology in Americans" daily lives, doctors at Johns Hopkins University warned Thursday that air fryers should not be considered an adequate substitute for human companionship. "An air fryer can be a powerful and reliable…...

5+ mon, 2+ week ago  (105+ words) The post Powerful Bidet Blasts Hole Clean Through Man appeared first on The Onion. Handful Of Sour Patch Kids Grabbed For Trip To Mailbox Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked New Study Finds 81 Percent Of Starbucks Patrons Silently Judging Each Other…...